People tend to get defensive in conflict; buffering feelings of shame, attack, being made wrong, and more. While sometimes that is happening, often, the conflict is coming from a tension between identifying, owning, and solving a problem. In today’s world, there is a squishiness to calling things, even a problem, under the reframes of seeing opportunities. But, sometimes a spade just needs to be called a spade. I believe if you can’t identify and acknowledge what is not working, you really can’t solve that problem. Many people believe in the concept to “not fix what isn’t broken”, taking them off the hook for anything that isn’t a broken/problem. Others struggle so much with ego fragileness, they are unable to recognize, much less own, when something is not working (i.e. a problem).
When we as a team, can collectively recognize and acknowledge a problem. THEN we have an opportunity on our hands. Now we can better assess what is not working and take steps to change, adapt and create new approaches. Before that, we are stuck in insanity (doing the same thing and expecting different results) while we massage our ego and offer excuses of why the problem exists in the first place. We focus more on why we are not responsible.
Real leaders allow the buck to stop with them. If something is not working, they own it by naming it (this is not working), identifying it (what is not working), and taking responsibility to try something different. They co-design accountability of who will do what, by when, and how we will know. It is clear and there is a plan. If something needs to be changed in the plan, communication happens to renegotiate the terms (not when the deadline is missed but before it becomes clear the deadline or activity is having a problem). To do this people have to be able to set their egos aside and fail forward. Be unattached. Realize failing forward is how progress happens. It is not about perfection; it is about movement and working to make it better.